I keep on thinking about the best things in life - at times it feels as though everything is at its best in my life and it could never have been otherwise..then at times I will be so confused as to what is the best; the happened or the other option which didn’t work out. But if I see myself as a third person, I see most of the good things happening by its own, it just don’t need any effort from my side. I run through a lot of struggles, tears and lot more. But ending is always great. Like everyone I do waste my time thinking that I made a mistake which eventually led to a bad situation. I am no great optimist. :)
One night I just opened Bhagavatgita. I do it when I am totally confused or just needs some words of solace from the almighty. I read one or two randomly chosen verses from whichever scared scripture I have bible, gita or Koran. So that night I opened a verse where Srikrishna is showing his complete form to Arjuna. Arjuna is shocked to see the whole world in Krishna. Then Krishna tells Arjuna..Kauravas , Karnan, Bheeshmar and all on kaurava’s side are destined to be killed in the war. So its my wish that they die in the war and their souls reach heaven. Arjuna, you are only a catalyst for my wish to happen here. So don’t worry about them being your relative and friends. Don’t think that you are doing vice. Cause ultimately virtue and vice are I, myself. So do your karma or duty. Don’t hesitate.
I liked that thought that it might be that each one of us is a catalyst for the good or bad for us and the people around us. It just happens and we call it coincidence when it was destined to happen. But we do are responsible to do our best no matter what happens. So only thing we have to make sure that we take care of our Karma and eventually whatever happens is for good, either for you or for somebody who needs it more than you.
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Pocahontas : who was she?
The name which I had heard many times and often wondered why is such a strange name catching up in many speeches n movies. But never did I make a sincere effort to indulge in any kind of research quenching my curiosity. So it remained as mythical name. Yesterday I was searching about the Roanoke Island and the mystery of Virginia Dare, then I stumbled upon a feature on Powhatan tribe and then to Pocahontas. Surprisingly, for me, Pocahontas turned out to be made of real blood and flesh, and not mythical/imaginary.
She was the dear daughter of a Powhatan chief, named Wahunsunacock, born around 1595, who said to have played a major role in the destruction of Roanoke Island. Converted herself to Christianity and married an English man later. The marriage was looked upon because of the rising tension between tribes and Colonists. Another way, as the single person for which the settlers and Indians made peace with each other for some years or peace was the ransom settlers/English men received for the captivity of Pocahontas.
History of Colonization never gives us any pictures where the natives are treated with equality or a hand of friendship was offered except in the initial stages.If you see from the point of view of the “Old World”; Pocahontas is an Indian who had to be with the settlers/colonists and who saw her tribe being driven away from their homeland. She might have been treated as the Indian who assisted Colonists. But in return, had been banished from her tribe, became the Indian Captive for which colonists received peace in return until them themselves decided to break it. I think, Pocahontas can be seen as neither an iconic figure nor a hero when her actions and the fate of her tribe were considered at a later point of time. She was a kind, peaceful woman, an ordinary woman, who was short-lived, but lived long enough to witness the colonization and distress of the Powhatan tribe. As per the records I read online, it gives me little information to raise Pocahontas to a hero. Whether she was a really “knight in shining armour” or not, well, I think it will need a research beyond the history books!!
Some history for you: excerpt from wiki J
Pocahontas’ name reached the outer world when a Colonist called John Smith was taken captive by the Powhatan Tribe in 1607. As per Smith’s account, Pocahontas was the “ten”ish year old girl who saved him from death in the hands of the tribes men. She, along with Smith provided food for the settlers in James Town who were in a difficult situation due to the lack of food. She was said to have shared a warm relationship with the settlers of James Town, a settler’s colony.
Then Smith returns of Britain said to be after having suffered from a gun powder explosion in 1609. Pocahontas was told that Smith was dead.
Then her life took a different turn when one of her own men, traded her to the colonists in 1611-12.Colonists believed that her captivity can yield the chief to release captivated colonists by the tribe and force him to return the weapons said to have taken by the Powhatans. This did not work very well, but someway the chief and settlers maintained peace among themselves. She was under captivity, but said to have been treated nicely by the settlers. Later she converted into Christianity and married a John Rolfe in 1614, a tobacco farmer. But slowly there were enough fights between Indians and settlers and a major war where the British killed many and destroyed the homes of Indians.
Pocahontas traveled to England in 1616, with her husband and new born son, Thomas. I heard two different purposes for the trip, one was to bring peace between her people and colonists through King James, and another was for a financial purpose for her husband. Anyways, Pocahontas met with the King and the Queen. The greatest surprise happened when she got to know about Smith being alive and she met with him only once in early 1617. They were coming back to Virginia in March 1617; she was died on the way, much before the ship crossed Thames, due to Tuberculosis or pneumonia at the age of 22.
Pocahontas is always remembered as the bridge between Indians and Colonists or as wikipedia says “for assisting the settlers of Jamestown” .
She was the dear daughter of a Powhatan chief, named Wahunsunacock, born around 1595, who said to have played a major role in the destruction of Roanoke Island. Converted herself to Christianity and married an English man later. The marriage was looked upon because of the rising tension between tribes and Colonists. Another way, as the single person for which the settlers and Indians made peace with each other for some years or peace was the ransom settlers/English men received for the captivity of Pocahontas.
History of Colonization never gives us any pictures where the natives are treated with equality or a hand of friendship was offered except in the initial stages.If you see from the point of view of the “Old World”; Pocahontas is an Indian who had to be with the settlers/colonists and who saw her tribe being driven away from their homeland. She might have been treated as the Indian who assisted Colonists. But in return, had been banished from her tribe, became the Indian Captive for which colonists received peace in return until them themselves decided to break it. I think, Pocahontas can be seen as neither an iconic figure nor a hero when her actions and the fate of her tribe were considered at a later point of time. She was a kind, peaceful woman, an ordinary woman, who was short-lived, but lived long enough to witness the colonization and distress of the Powhatan tribe. As per the records I read online, it gives me little information to raise Pocahontas to a hero. Whether she was a really “knight in shining armour” or not, well, I think it will need a research beyond the history books!!
Some history for you: excerpt from wiki J
Pocahontas’ name reached the outer world when a Colonist called John Smith was taken captive by the Powhatan Tribe in 1607. As per Smith’s account, Pocahontas was the “ten”ish year old girl who saved him from death in the hands of the tribes men. She, along with Smith provided food for the settlers in James Town who were in a difficult situation due to the lack of food. She was said to have shared a warm relationship with the settlers of James Town, a settler’s colony.
Then Smith returns of Britain said to be after having suffered from a gun powder explosion in 1609. Pocahontas was told that Smith was dead.
Then her life took a different turn when one of her own men, traded her to the colonists in 1611-12.Colonists believed that her captivity can yield the chief to release captivated colonists by the tribe and force him to return the weapons said to have taken by the Powhatans. This did not work very well, but someway the chief and settlers maintained peace among themselves. She was under captivity, but said to have been treated nicely by the settlers. Later she converted into Christianity and married a John Rolfe in 1614, a tobacco farmer. But slowly there were enough fights between Indians and settlers and a major war where the British killed many and destroyed the homes of Indians.
Pocahontas traveled to England in 1616, with her husband and new born son, Thomas. I heard two different purposes for the trip, one was to bring peace between her people and colonists through King James, and another was for a financial purpose for her husband. Anyways, Pocahontas met with the King and the Queen. The greatest surprise happened when she got to know about Smith being alive and she met with him only once in early 1617. They were coming back to Virginia in March 1617; she was died on the way, much before the ship crossed Thames, due to Tuberculosis or pneumonia at the age of 22.
Pocahontas is always remembered as the bridge between Indians and Colonists or as wikipedia says “for assisting the settlers of Jamestown” .
Sunday, 15 August 2010
Happy Independence Day!!
Today, I want to write a lot about my country...our country India..
I am not a proclaimed patriotic kind...But I truly am Proud to be an Indian..
I love the country who gave birth to heroes and always welcomed visitors..Then slowly made them part of it just by love...I love the country who nourished a culture from centuries and centuries...A culture which is formed from the true goodies of the world, rooted in eternal peace, selflessness, simplicity and truth..The land which gave birth to a Mahatma in the kaliyug who became the epitome of truth...I bow towards the spirit n souls of the hundreds of thousands who were sacrificed in the struggle for Independence..I bow towards the country which is one of its kind ...My land, my mother where language is not a barrier, color is not a barrier, religion is not a barrier..This is my country...I would like to born here again and again...Happy Independence Day!!
I am not a proclaimed patriotic kind...But I truly am Proud to be an Indian..
I love the country who gave birth to heroes and always welcomed visitors..Then slowly made them part of it just by love...I love the country who nourished a culture from centuries and centuries...A culture which is formed from the true goodies of the world, rooted in eternal peace, selflessness, simplicity and truth..The land which gave birth to a Mahatma in the kaliyug who became the epitome of truth...I bow towards the spirit n souls of the hundreds of thousands who were sacrificed in the struggle for Independence..I bow towards the country which is one of its kind ...My land, my mother where language is not a barrier, color is not a barrier, religion is not a barrier..This is my country...I would like to born here again and again...Happy Independence Day!!
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
yatra
ഓര്മ്മതന് താളുകള് പിന്നെയും മറിയുന്നു
ഭൂതകാലത്തിലേക്ക് അവസാനമായി ഒരു എത്തിനോട്ടം
സ്നേഹം നിറം പകര്ന്ന ഭൂതകാലം
ദുഖത്തിന് വേരുകളുള്ള ഭൂതകാലം
മനസ്സ് ചോദിക്കുന്നു പിന്നെയും
' ഒന്നുകൂടി പിന്നിട്ട വഴികളിലേക്ക് ?'
പിന്നെ ഒരു നെടുവീര്പ്പോടെ മന്ത്രിക്കുന്നു
ഒരിക്കല് കൂടി സ്വന്തം ഉറപ്പു വരുത്തുന്നു
പഥികന് പിന്നിട്ട വഴികളില്ല !
പിന്നിടാനുള്ള വഴികളെ ഉള്ളു
കാഷായത്തിനു പുനര്ജനിയെ ഉള്ളു
പിന്നിട്ട ജന്മത്തിലെ നീക്കുപോക്കുകളില്ല
നിനക്കാ ജന്മം സമാപ്തം !!!
ഭൂതകാലത്തിലേക്ക് അവസാനമായി ഒരു എത്തിനോട്ടം
സ്നേഹം നിറം പകര്ന്ന ഭൂതകാലം
ദുഖത്തിന് വേരുകളുള്ള ഭൂതകാലം
മനസ്സ് ചോദിക്കുന്നു പിന്നെയും
' ഒന്നുകൂടി പിന്നിട്ട വഴികളിലേക്ക് ?'
പിന്നെ ഒരു നെടുവീര്പ്പോടെ മന്ത്രിക്കുന്നു
ഒരിക്കല് കൂടി സ്വന്തം ഉറപ്പു വരുത്തുന്നു
പഥികന് പിന്നിട്ട വഴികളില്ല !
പിന്നിടാനുള്ള വഴികളെ ഉള്ളു
കാഷായത്തിനു പുനര്ജനിയെ ഉള്ളു
പിന്നിട്ട ജന്മത്തിലെ നീക്കുപോക്കുകളില്ല
നിനക്കാ ജന്മം സമാപ്തം !!!
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
A thought...
Truth, the bitterest of life ??
Some, you dont want to believe..so you deny
Some, you mask them behind beautifully clad lies
Some, are ignored since they are too true
May be thats why you never find a 100% truthful person anywhere.
Some, you dont want to believe..so you deny
Some, you mask them behind beautifully clad lies
Some, are ignored since they are too true
May be thats why you never find a 100% truthful person anywhere.
Monday, 2 August 2010
today-in news
Today 2 headings frm Google news caught my attention - one was Raj Thackeray supporting Udhav Thackeray blames "migrants" for malaria outbreak in Mumbai , for crowding the hospitals..
Other One was about Sachin, the God of Cricket's statement - "Expectations are god's gift, not burden: Tendulkar "
Somebody is trying to divide the nation...somebody telling my nation is my strength and my nation's expectations are God's gift to me...
Whom to say hats off to ... well u know ...
Other One was about Sachin, the God of Cricket's statement - "Expectations are god's gift, not burden: Tendulkar "
Somebody is trying to divide the nation...somebody telling my nation is my strength and my nation's expectations are God's gift to me...
Whom to say hats off to ... well u know ...
Aug 01..Friendship day
I met my college friends after a long long time...it seemed like we just got out of the college yesterday...We still love some/most of the parts of our college life..whether it was PVU's statistics class( where we learnt only to eat silently and pass chits) or sreeja miss's math lessons ( Where we used to feel her love for us...n her love for maths :P )..Then long never ending series of curses we used to hear on our every point of our family tree...we hated everything when we were there..But,now if I think we had some diff experiences,living in an ashram and in a professional college run by brahmacharis where they tought control over mind..where culture was the most talked abt stuff..where we succeeded stress after being pushed over the limits all the time.. We just travelled in time today..
Gosh,,,it was fun...To revive the memories.. Heart just yearnt for just feeling those classrooms and lectures again!!
PS: we were 6 ..me rasna jisha, vaisu, aadi n ranjesh
Gosh,,,it was fun...To revive the memories.. Heart just yearnt for just feeling those classrooms and lectures again!!
PS: we were 6 ..me rasna jisha, vaisu, aadi n ranjesh
Friday, 30 July 2010
Random thought!!
Today my company finally gave away the appraisal...It was better than I expected. However the floor had an air full of tension, stress , despair ...
I was not happy either..then was planning to switch, go for higher studies, defying the social norms n just quit..and had a highly motivating talk with a friend...All did sound good, but not sure about taking an uncalculated risk!!
I just wish this spark dont vanish like one of my new year confessions :P
But there is still the question which popped up from the shadow with the thoughts-- what do I want in life ? What is that one thing for which you can sacrifice anything and go to any extend?
I am already late...when will I find my answer? Is that only me who is confused ?
I was not happy either..then was planning to switch, go for higher studies, defying the social norms n just quit..and had a highly motivating talk with a friend...All did sound good, but not sure about taking an uncalculated risk!!
I just wish this spark dont vanish like one of my new year confessions :P
But there is still the question which popped up from the shadow with the thoughts-- what do I want in life ? What is that one thing for which you can sacrifice anything and go to any extend?
I am already late...when will I find my answer? Is that only me who is confused ?
Friday, 23 July 2010
മുഖംമൂടി
"ദേ അവള് പിന്നെയും ചൂടായി ... ഇപ്പൊ എന്താ പറ്റിയത് ... ഇവര് തമാശ പറഞ്ഞതല്ലേ ..അത് ആ sense ഇല് എടുത്താല് പോരെ .. നീ എന്താ ഇങ്ങനെ .."
"അല്ലാ കരയുന്നോ ?? ..ശോ ഇതാ ഇപ്പൊ കാര്യായെ ..."
അവര് അവളെ നോക്കുകയായിരുന്നു ...ആര്ക്കും ഒന്നും പറയാനുണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല ...ഒരു പക്ഷെ പറയാന് ധൈര്യം ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല എന്നതായിരിക്കണം സത്യം ..അവരുടെ മുന്നില് നിറഞ്ഞു തുളുമ്പുന്ന രണ്ടു കണ്ണുകള് മാത്രമേ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നുള്ളു ..അവര്ക്ക് അപരിചിതമായ കണ്ണുകള് ...അവര് അറിയുന്ന അവള് അതല്ലായിരുന്നു .....ആകെ മൂടുന്ന ഒരു മൌനം ..കാര് മൂടിയ മാനം പോലെ ...അവിടെ തുളുംബിയിറങ്ങി ആ മിഴിനീരുകള് ..
അവള് പതുക്കെ അവരെ നോക്കി ...പെട്ടെന്ന് ഭൂതത്തില് നിന്നും വര്ത്തമാനത്തിലേക്ക് ..ഇല്ല ...ഈ ലോകത്തില് ഞാന് കരയാറില്ല ..കരയില്ല ...പിന്നെയും ഭൂതകാലത്തിന്റെ താളുകള് മൂടി വയ്ക്കപ്പെട്ടു ..
അവള് പൊട്ടി ചിരിച്ചു ..."അയ്യേ ...Bakraa..പറ്റിച്ചേ ..."
അവളുടെ കണ്ണുകളില് ഇപ്പോള് കുസൃതിയുടെ ചാഞ്ചാട്ടം ...ഒരു നിമിഷം അവര് ഞെട്ടി നോക്കി ആ കുസൃതിയെ ..ചിരിച്ചു ചിരിച്ചു ആ കവിളില് ഒഴുകിയിറങ്ങുന്ന കണ്ണുനീരിനെ .."ഛെ നമ്മളുടെ ഒരു കാര്യം ...ഡീ .." ഇപ്പോള് അവിടെ പൊട്ടിച്ചിരികള് മാത്രം ..
അവളും പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിക്കുകയായിരുന്നു ... പൊട്ടികരചിലിന്റെ താളം എവിടെയോ ഒളിപ്പിച്ച ചിരി ...
"അല്ലാ കരയുന്നോ ?? ..ശോ ഇതാ ഇപ്പൊ കാര്യായെ ..."
അവര് അവളെ നോക്കുകയായിരുന്നു ...ആര്ക്കും ഒന്നും പറയാനുണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല ...ഒരു പക്ഷെ പറയാന് ധൈര്യം ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നില്ല എന്നതായിരിക്കണം സത്യം ..അവരുടെ മുന്നില് നിറഞ്ഞു തുളുമ്പുന്ന രണ്ടു കണ്ണുകള് മാത്രമേ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നുള്ളു ..അവര്ക്ക് അപരിചിതമായ കണ്ണുകള് ...അവര് അറിയുന്ന അവള് അതല്ലായിരുന്നു .....ആകെ മൂടുന്ന ഒരു മൌനം ..കാര് മൂടിയ മാനം പോലെ ...അവിടെ തുളുംബിയിറങ്ങി ആ മിഴിനീരുകള് ..
അവള് പതുക്കെ അവരെ നോക്കി ...പെട്ടെന്ന് ഭൂതത്തില് നിന്നും വര്ത്തമാനത്തിലേക്ക് ..ഇല്ല ...ഈ ലോകത്തില് ഞാന് കരയാറില്ല ..കരയില്ല ...പിന്നെയും ഭൂതകാലത്തിന്റെ താളുകള് മൂടി വയ്ക്കപ്പെട്ടു ..
അവള് പൊട്ടി ചിരിച്ചു ..."അയ്യേ ...Bakraa..പറ്റിച്ചേ ..."
അവളുടെ കണ്ണുകളില് ഇപ്പോള് കുസൃതിയുടെ ചാഞ്ചാട്ടം ...ഒരു നിമിഷം അവര് ഞെട്ടി നോക്കി ആ കുസൃതിയെ ..ചിരിച്ചു ചിരിച്ചു ആ കവിളില് ഒഴുകിയിറങ്ങുന്ന കണ്ണുനീരിനെ .."ഛെ നമ്മളുടെ ഒരു കാര്യം ...ഡീ .." ഇപ്പോള് അവിടെ പൊട്ടിച്ചിരികള് മാത്രം ..
അവളും പൊട്ടിച്ചിരിക്കുകയായിരുന്നു ... പൊട്ടികരചിലിന്റെ താളം എവിടെയോ ഒളിപ്പിച്ച ചിരി ...
Thursday, 22 July 2010
ഒരു വട്ടം കൂടി....
ഒരു വട്ടം കൂടി ആ പഴയ വിദ്യാലയ തിരുമുട്ടത്തെത്തുവാന് മോഹം ...
ഒന്ന് കൂടി ആ തണുത്ത ബെഞ്ചുകളില് ഇരിക്കാന് , ചാമ്പയ്ക്ക പെറുക്കാന് , ക്ലാസ്സില് ബഹളം വെയ്ക്കാന് ,അടി വാങ്ങിക്കാന് , ഒന്ന് കൂടി മഴവെള്ളം തട്ടി തെരുപ്പിക്കാന് , വീടിലേക്കുള്ള വഴി മൊത്തം ഓടി തീര്ക്കാന് ,നാരങ്ങ മിട്ടായികള് കഴിക്കാന് , ഉച്ചയ്ക്ക് കഥകള് കേള്ക്കാന് ..മോഹം ..
ആരെങ്കിലും മറക്കുമോ എന്നറിയില്ല , school ലെ ആദ്യത്തെ ദിവസം ..പുത്തന് ഉടുപ്പും ബാഗും ഒക്കെ ആയി സ്കൂളിന്റെ വരാന്തയില് അച്ഛന്റെ കൈ പിടിച്ചു നിന്നപ്പോള് ഞാന് കരഞ്ഞില്ലായിരുന്നു ..പക്ഷെ അച്ഛന് വാങ്ങി തന്ന മിട്ടായി നുണഞ്ഞു നിന്നപ്പോള്, അച്ഛന്റെ നിഴല് മറയുന്നത് കണ്ടപ്പോള് എവിടെയോ ഒരു വിഷമം തോന്നി ..പിന്നെ പതുക്കെ അത് കണ്ണുനീരായി ഒലിച്ചിറങ്ങി ..
എന്നെ ആദ്യമായി അക്ഷരം പഠിപ്പിച്ച elizabeth ടീച്ചര് , മനോഹരമായി പുഞ്ചിരിച്ചിരുന്ന mary ടീച്ചര് , പിന്നെ എന്റെ കുറെ വാലുകള്
.. :)
അതൊരു പഴയ മലയാളം മീഡിയം സ്കൂള് ആയിരുന്നു ..ക്ലാസുകള് പനമ്പിന്റെ മറ കൊണ്ട്
വേര്തിരിച്ച ഒരു കൊച്ചു സ്കൂള് ..പഴയ ബെഞ്ചുകള്..ഇടയ്ക്കൊക്കെ ചോരുന്ന മേല്ക്കൂര..പക്ഷെ ഒത്തിരി സ്നേഹം തന്ന അധ്യാപകര് ...എന്റെ ആദ്യത്തെ വിദ്യാലയം .അവിടേക്ക് പോകുന്ന കല്പ്പൊടി നിറഞ്ഞ റോഡ് ..നടന്നു പോകാനുള്ള ദൂരമേ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നുള്ളു അവിടെയ്ക്ക് ..പോകുന്ന വഴിയില് എല്ലാവരോടും സംസാരിച്ചും പുതിയ കൂട്ടുകാരെ ഉണ്ടാക്കിയും 4 വര്ഷങ്ങള് ...ഉച്ചയൂണ് വീട്ടില് നിന്ന് .. പിന്നെ പതിയെ സ്കൂളിലേക്ക് ..ആദ്യമായി അടി കിട്ടിയതും ആദ്യമായി സമ്മാനം കിട്ടിയതും ... മെഴുകുതിരിയുടെ ഉരുകി വീണ മെഴുകു വച്ച് രൂപങ്ങള് ഉണ്ടാക്കിയതും ..ആദ്യമായി തല്ലു കൂടിയതും ..ആദ്യമായി പാട്ട് പാടിയതും ആദ്യമായി നാടകത്തില് അഭിനയിച്ചതും ... (പിന്നെ ആണ് ആ പരിപാടികള് ഒന്നും നമുക്ക് പറ്റിയതല്ല എന്ന് മനസ്സിലാക്കിയതും പണ്ട് അത് മൂക്കില്ലാത്ത രാജ്യത്തു മുറിമൂക്കന് സ്റ്റൈലില് ആയതു കൊണ്ടാണ് കയ്യടി കിട്ടിയതെന്നും മനസ്സിലായത് :D).....ഇപ്പോള് ഈ കോണ്ക്രീറ്റ് നഗരത്തില് ഈ artificial തണുപ്പില് ഇരുന്നാലോചിക്കുമ്പോള് തോന്നി പോകുന്നു ഒരു വട്ടം കൂടി ....
എന്താ ല്ലേ , നമ്മളൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ വലുതായി പോയില്ലേ ...ഇനി ഇപ്പൊ തിരിച്ചു ചെറുതാവാന് പറ്റില്ലല്ലോ ..
ഒന്ന് കൂടി ആ തണുത്ത ബെഞ്ചുകളില് ഇരിക്കാന് , ചാമ്പയ്ക്ക പെറുക്കാന് , ക്ലാസ്സില് ബഹളം വെയ്ക്കാന് ,അടി വാങ്ങിക്കാന് , ഒന്ന് കൂടി മഴവെള്ളം തട്ടി തെരുപ്പിക്കാന് , വീടിലേക്കുള്ള വഴി മൊത്തം ഓടി തീര്ക്കാന് ,നാരങ്ങ മിട്ടായികള് കഴിക്കാന് , ഉച്ചയ്ക്ക് കഥകള് കേള്ക്കാന് ..മോഹം ..
ആരെങ്കിലും മറക്കുമോ എന്നറിയില്ല , school ലെ ആദ്യത്തെ ദിവസം ..പുത്തന് ഉടുപ്പും ബാഗും ഒക്കെ ആയി സ്കൂളിന്റെ വരാന്തയില് അച്ഛന്റെ കൈ പിടിച്ചു നിന്നപ്പോള് ഞാന് കരഞ്ഞില്ലായിരുന്നു ..പക്ഷെ അച്ഛന് വാങ്ങി തന്ന മിട്ടായി നുണഞ്ഞു നിന്നപ്പോള്, അച്ഛന്റെ നിഴല് മറയുന്നത് കണ്ടപ്പോള് എവിടെയോ ഒരു വിഷമം തോന്നി ..പിന്നെ പതുക്കെ അത് കണ്ണുനീരായി ഒലിച്ചിറങ്ങി ..
എന്നെ ആദ്യമായി അക്ഷരം പഠിപ്പിച്ച elizabeth ടീച്ചര് , മനോഹരമായി പുഞ്ചിരിച്ചിരുന്ന mary ടീച്ചര് , പിന്നെ എന്റെ കുറെ വാലുകള്
.. :)
അതൊരു പഴയ മലയാളം മീഡിയം സ്കൂള് ആയിരുന്നു ..ക്ലാസുകള് പനമ്പിന്റെ മറ കൊണ്ട്
വേര്തിരിച്ച ഒരു കൊച്ചു സ്കൂള് ..പഴയ ബെഞ്ചുകള്..ഇടയ്ക്കൊക്കെ ചോരുന്ന മേല്ക്കൂര..പക്ഷെ ഒത്തിരി സ്നേഹം തന്ന അധ്യാപകര് ...എന്റെ ആദ്യത്തെ വിദ്യാലയം .അവിടേക്ക് പോകുന്ന കല്പ്പൊടി നിറഞ്ഞ റോഡ് ..നടന്നു പോകാനുള്ള ദൂരമേ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നുള്ളു അവിടെയ്ക്ക് ..പോകുന്ന വഴിയില് എല്ലാവരോടും സംസാരിച്ചും പുതിയ കൂട്ടുകാരെ ഉണ്ടാക്കിയും 4 വര്ഷങ്ങള് ...ഉച്ചയൂണ് വീട്ടില് നിന്ന് .. പിന്നെ പതിയെ സ്കൂളിലേക്ക് ..ആദ്യമായി അടി കിട്ടിയതും ആദ്യമായി സമ്മാനം കിട്ടിയതും ... മെഴുകുതിരിയുടെ ഉരുകി വീണ മെഴുകു വച്ച് രൂപങ്ങള് ഉണ്ടാക്കിയതും ..ആദ്യമായി തല്ലു കൂടിയതും ..ആദ്യമായി പാട്ട് പാടിയതും ആദ്യമായി നാടകത്തില് അഭിനയിച്ചതും ... (പിന്നെ ആണ് ആ പരിപാടികള് ഒന്നും നമുക്ക് പറ്റിയതല്ല എന്ന് മനസ്സിലാക്കിയതും പണ്ട് അത് മൂക്കില്ലാത്ത രാജ്യത്തു മുറിമൂക്കന് സ്റ്റൈലില് ആയതു കൊണ്ടാണ് കയ്യടി കിട്ടിയതെന്നും മനസ്സിലായത് :D).....ഇപ്പോള് ഈ കോണ്ക്രീറ്റ് നഗരത്തില് ഈ artificial തണുപ്പില് ഇരുന്നാലോചിക്കുമ്പോള് തോന്നി പോകുന്നു ഒരു വട്ടം കൂടി ....
എന്താ ല്ലേ , നമ്മളൊക്കെ ഇപ്പൊ വലുതായി പോയില്ലേ ...ഇനി ഇപ്പൊ തിരിച്ചു ചെറുതാവാന് പറ്റില്ലല്ലോ ..
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
...
I have lost track of time
Like those entangled vines,
past and present have just lost the path
One moment I am living my dream
Next moment I am shattered
I have lost the feel of everything I hold dear
I am not sure what I want
I am not sure where I am going
Everything seems to have been moulded together
Inseperable and blurred as if in a mist
Fear is the only feeling I feel truly
When I walk through this misty valley,
Where I have none as company!!
Like those entangled vines,
past and present have just lost the path
One moment I am living my dream
Next moment I am shattered
I have lost the feel of everything I hold dear
I am not sure what I want
I am not sure where I am going
Everything seems to have been moulded together
Inseperable and blurred as if in a mist
Fear is the only feeling I feel truly
When I walk through this misty valley,
Where I have none as company!!
Thursday, 15 July 2010
Just a thought!!
I was doing a lot of thinking these days..the more I thought...the more I realised ...
The only truth of life is that you are always alone and the more you understand n act, the more happier u will be...
Loneliness is that wonderful feeling when you are in rain, you just feel the rain, drench , the feel the lightness of heart..dance like a small girl and see nothing and no one around..except you and the rain..
Loneliness is that wildest state of mind when you are in tears and there is no one to comfort you or talk to you, you find no numbers to which you can call to, you feel lost, a feel of vacuum inside..
Loneliness is that creative state , when you just spend your time thinking of past , present and future...Link the events and cook up your biography and stories of ppl around you...
How much-ever good, bad or creative "loneliness" can be, its the only best companion you got till your last breath...a true companion..
Awara huin....
The only truth of life is that you are always alone and the more you understand n act, the more happier u will be...
Loneliness is that wonderful feeling when you are in rain, you just feel the rain, drench , the feel the lightness of heart..dance like a small girl and see nothing and no one around..except you and the rain..
Loneliness is that wildest state of mind when you are in tears and there is no one to comfort you or talk to you, you find no numbers to which you can call to, you feel lost, a feel of vacuum inside..
Loneliness is that creative state , when you just spend your time thinking of past , present and future...Link the events and cook up your biography and stories of ppl around you...
How much-ever good, bad or creative "loneliness" can be, its the only best companion you got till your last breath...a true companion..
Awara huin....
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Random Thought!!
Shore..which willingly or not willingly accepts the waves...then in a glimpse , willingly or not willingly, is left bare by their departure..The shore waits for a glimpse again, but they never come back..The shore is never allowed to keep them forever...Its nature's will that nothing remains forever and every bond changes in due course...Then shore should not fall in love with any of them.. But if shore does so, will that be taken as shore's weakness ?? Or shore's love, love which cannot have expectations, will be called as pure and divine?? As times gone by , is it still loving the waves coming in??
Those waves who reaches shore's heart, leaves a hurt...But again, its not their fault...Its the nature's rule to move on...Some, just come n washes away the sand, leaving the shore weak n empty...But again, the shore cannot vanish...It must reconstruct , its the nature's rule.
Shore...in fact, it is always alone...nothing is permanent for it...and nothing will ever be...
This would have left a vacuum inside...a very scary one...isnt it??
Those waves who reaches shore's heart, leaves a hurt...But again, its not their fault...Its the nature's rule to move on...Some, just come n washes away the sand, leaving the shore weak n empty...But again, the shore cannot vanish...It must reconstruct , its the nature's rule.
Shore...in fact, it is always alone...nothing is permanent for it...and nothing will ever be...
This would have left a vacuum inside...a very scary one...isnt it??
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Ma latest reading list !!
1. who will cry when you die (very good one )
2. Two states ( So far so good)
3. Tuesdays with Morrie( Yet to start...but its quite a tempting read :) )
I will suggest the first one if u need some real tips to improve urself !! Its a collection of lessons from "Monk who sold safari"... To tell u the fact, the monk was a boring read for me...But this one is pretty good...concise n clear.. wad more can u ask from a book when u have absolutely no patience right ?? LOL...
Second one, as usual a Chetan's story , simple n easy to digest...He makes it quite easy to live with the characters..to move with them through all hurdles..And the ride is in all the ways worth!!
Happy reading !!
2. Two states ( So far so good)
3. Tuesdays with Morrie( Yet to start...but its quite a tempting read :) )
I will suggest the first one if u need some real tips to improve urself !! Its a collection of lessons from "Monk who sold safari"... To tell u the fact, the monk was a boring read for me...But this one is pretty good...concise n clear.. wad more can u ask from a book when u have absolutely no patience right ?? LOL...
Second one, as usual a Chetan's story , simple n easy to digest...He makes it quite easy to live with the characters..to move with them through all hurdles..And the ride is in all the ways worth!!
Happy reading !!
Friday, 5 March 2010
My love quotes !!
If perfection is what I was looking for, I’d never have chosen you
If perfection is what you were after, then you’d never have chosen me too --
It’s the imperfections that made us one. I know it well. Do you?
I may be the last one you will ever choose. But you have always been my first!!
It was always very difficult to accept you. But rejection came so easily and naturally!!
I loved you just like the love in fairy tales – for living together happily forever and ever. You left me, but I could never leave my dreams. They never shattered. I am still living with you “The Dream”, happily ever after!!
It is my blessing that I met you. I knew that moment that my destiny is going to be rewritten with your love and only with your love. I knew, coz in your eyes I saw the love that can erase any darkness in my life. Only in your eyes I saw, my birth, my death and beyond!!
Your love is going to fill my life. And it’s overflowing with joy. I am worried whether my life is enough to repay you!!
You are so much in my life. Everything I see , seems to remind me of you. Then even the silliest thing seems so beautiful. When I say this, you always say “You are so silly”. Can I lend you my eyes to you so that you see what I say!!
It would be impossible to live without you. Even seconds waiting for you appear like years. I wonder, where I was wasting my time in all my years!!
It’s still raining. I guess even the sky knows that I am alone!!
When you were there, my heart never knew any pain. Now, you are gone, my heart is bleeding each moment. But still, it never said “I hate you” and it still says “I love you”!!
Life would have been easy if you had never come into my life. But it would have been missed an opportunity to rise to divinity!!
Background: Today I got an hour...And I scribbled few stuff...Seeing the yellow flowers outside I was writing about an emotion, definition of which I am yet to understand!!
Mysteries of life !!
And many a times its better if we allow life to remain mysterious. It’s no fun if we know every step ahead. Enjoy the curiosity about each step you are going to take. Enjoy the uncertainty. Enjoy the questions. Let them be incomplete so that finding answers for them will give you the motivation to move forward, let the thirst for answers keep the child in you always curious and eager to learn about oneself.
Let’s learn to leave few things incomplete and let them be with you forever...And let life be mysterious!!
Monday, 1 March 2010
Control your emotions...
Question for today:
Control/supress our emotions ?
or
Freely expressing Emotions ?
Do I sound stupid ?? I hope not .
If you ask anyone to take one option out of it , then probably everyone will choose the latter. We all love to say that we are free to express right ?
I have tried both...so here they are some of my observations :
You start controlling your feelings , then your best friend comes n tells you that you are such a nerd, why dont you feel a thing ? Probably you just felt that her cat fight with her boyfriend is utterly stupid and idiotic(coz he didnt send her a goodnight message) . .. lol...Do you think its silly ?? Then think twice, its a big issue among gals :P
Your boss shouts at you and expects you understand his absolutely sincere effort to put his ideas through you(Or you are the only silent face of the team who wont shout/respond back :P)
The positive side : You are considered as the most matured and knowledgable person around..And you end up becoming Free advice express all around you...chooo chooo...the train is on n on ..
Choose the latter, express your emotions..
You see a movie, you suddenly start crying ...tats kind of a bit weird though ;)
You know, everyone comes and feels that its their right to give free advice. Even if you dont need them.
You feel like kicking many of them...Free advice is a complete torture !! U know it better than me dont u ?..
Your colleagues think and say that you are eccentric n short tempered :P
You laugh too much, you cry too much!! you are emotional !!!
People sympathises, well for no reason I guess :P
Positive side: Evenif others feel you are immatured n emotional, You are happy...You feel so light and will probably you will feel wings on both sides ...And best part, none will ask for advice :)
This is my experience...wad do you think? wad kind of a person are you?
Whatever you choose,make sure every moment is your own and make sure every night u sleep light !!
Coz you are all you've got !!!
Control/supress our emotions ?
or
Freely expressing Emotions ?
Do I sound stupid ?? I hope not .
If you ask anyone to take one option out of it , then probably everyone will choose the latter. We all love to say that we are free to express right ?
I have tried both...so here they are some of my observations :
You start controlling your feelings , then your best friend comes n tells you that you are such a nerd, why dont you feel a thing ? Probably you just felt that her cat fight with her boyfriend is utterly stupid and idiotic(coz he didnt send her a goodnight message) . .. lol...Do you think its silly ?? Then think twice, its a big issue among gals :P
Your boss shouts at you and expects you understand his absolutely sincere effort to put his ideas through you(Or you are the only silent face of the team who wont shout/respond back :P)
The positive side : You are considered as the most matured and knowledgable person around..And you end up becoming Free advice express all around you...chooo chooo...the train is on n on ..
Choose the latter, express your emotions..
You see a movie, you suddenly start crying ...tats kind of a bit weird though ;)
You know, everyone comes and feels that its their right to give free advice. Even if you dont need them.
You feel like kicking many of them...Free advice is a complete torture !! U know it better than me dont u ?..
Your colleagues think and say that you are eccentric n short tempered :P
You laugh too much, you cry too much!! you are emotional !!!
People sympathises, well for no reason I guess :P
Positive side: Evenif others feel you are immatured n emotional, You are happy...You feel so light and will probably you will feel wings on both sides ...And best part, none will ask for advice :)
This is my experience...wad do you think? wad kind of a person are you?
Whatever you choose,make sure every moment is your own and make sure every night u sleep light !!
Coz you are all you've got !!!
Sunday, 21 February 2010
:)
മിഴികള്ക്കും ഉണ്ടൊരു രഹസ്യം
എത്ര ചോദിച്ചാലും പറയാത്ത ഒരു രഹസ്യം
സുഹൃത്തേ, എന് കണ്ണുകളിലേക്കു നീ നോക്കൂ
നീ എന്നെ മുഴുവനായി അറിയുന്നെന്നോ
പറയൂ,
നീ എന്നെ അറിയുമോ?
എത്ര ചോദിച്ചാലും പറയാത്ത ഒരു രഹസ്യം
സുഹൃത്തേ, എന് കണ്ണുകളിലേക്കു നീ നോക്കൂ
നീ എന്നെ മുഴുവനായി അറിയുന്നെന്നോ
പറയൂ,
നീ എന്നെ അറിയുമോ?
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Thursday, 28 January 2010
We read, write , speak endlessly about friendship...the divinity of it, charisma of ur friends etc etc...
Do u think friends are like seasons ?( Thanks to Vaisakh's status message..I m copying it here :) ) ....
Have u ever felt that some promises are not kept??
Can you be 100% sure that u never doubted ur friend's words and advices ??
Is friendship really friendship in all cases or just a way of conveniently asking for favors and sidetracking for convenience later ?
Or the feeling behind friendships is also degrading ?
Saturday, 16 January 2010
Sunday, 3 January 2010
A pic close to ma heart
This is one of the photos I want to share with u all..
Its me n my nephew...on the beach on Dec 31st evening... n my mom took this pic.
Setting sun, the ocean and my dearest Tejus(my nephew) holding my hand.. After I saw this pic, I felt it really close to my heart.. Tejus is always dragging(:P) me with him whenever he comes to see me..he keeps me so busy and running ;) ..He reminds me of my childhood and always I see a child in me when I am with him, innocent, afresh and lively...For me, this photo shows the priceless bond we share and immense energy he injects in my heart ...
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